Big Dreams, False Starts, and My Midlife Quest to Dance the Nutcracker
October 26, 2015
Kessler, an author and journalist, was enjoying a very active midlife both professionally and personally when she decided to take up ballet again. This thoughtful shake-up of her autopilot existence brought about a new attitude toward accepting one’s flaws while embracing fear and change. As a girl she fell in love with The Nutcracker. She abandoned dance lessons after overhearing her famous teacher, Andre Elevsky (a former principal with Balanchine’s New York City Ballet), tell her mother that Kessler’s body was “all wrong,” but her passion for the show didn’t fade, and she went on to see it performed dozens of times. When her husband takes a solo business trip to Paris, she seizes the chance to do something for herself and goes on a multicity tour to immerse herself in Nutcrackerland and watch the productions each company offers. Then, following a voice that tells her to be bold, she vows to dance it, this time with her reputable hometown dance group, the Eugene Ballet Company. Giving herself six months to get in dancing shape before the start of the company’s new season, the very fit Kessler takes up yoga, Pilates, boxing, and Gyrotonics, where she is often twice the age of her classmates. As she pushes her exhausted body further from its comfort zone and closer to opening night, she inspires readers as she realizes that “you can’t feel the thrill unless you take the risk.”
October 15, 2015
Kessler (Counterclockwise: My Year of Hypnosis, Hormones, Dark Chocolate, and Other Adventures in the World of Anti-aging, 2013, etc.) chronicles her obsession with dancing The Nutcracker. When her husband set off on a three-week business trip to Paris, our narrator decided to go on a Nutcracker ballet binge. She attended performances in New York, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, and her hometown of Eugene, Oregon. Kessler has always loved ballet. She trained with Andre Eglevsky of Balanchine's American Ballet Theatre until she overheard the bad news the great dancer delivered to her mother: " 'She has the wrong body.' I heard the words "bottom heavy' and 'thighs.' And my throat closed." Thus ended her girlish lack of self-consciousness about her body and began her uneasy relationship with mirrors. However, years later as an adult, watching all of those performances again inspired her--"I am drunk on dance. I am bewitched. I am on fire"--to embark on her "Nut Quest." The dream, she writes, is full of the "stuff of life," which includes "fear, angst, pride, self-doubt, arrogance, fragility, optimism, pessimism, discontent, happiness, restlessness." To be sure, the author suffered plenty of doubt due to her age, but she also enjoyed the benefits of self-discipline and humility. Kessler has a wonderfully self-conscious mettle as well, not to mention a deft hand with the evocative expression of her inner feelings. She provides a useful vest-pocket history of ballet, and The Nutcracker in particular, and she ably captures the abundant physical punishment, including difficult experiences with yoga, Pilates, boxing, Gyrotonics, water jogging, and hours at the barre and on the floor. Ultimately, Kessler succeeded and was cast in "a named part," an outcome readers will applaud. An amusingly shrewd memoir of following a lifelong dream.
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